The Brampton Bugle

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

AndreBFG · Joined: 29 Nov 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Brampton

You never said a truer word. Back in the old days you couldn't walk across the street without tripping over one. They say there was even a case where one sat on a new-born bairn's face and smothered it while its mam were at Bingo. So where did they all go? Is it true they're all in prison in Thailand?

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

AndreBFG · Joined: 29 Nov 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Brampton

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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admin · Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 2:43 am Post subject: A grunt from the management

Good grief, I turn my back for five minutes and anarchy breaks out. Apologies to all our readers for my recent neglect, but, to quote the great man himself, shit happens.

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

how did you no that it was me reading this stuff on hear JPW. And you ed i ecspect you will be up at 3 in the morning to look at this stuff. why does nobody keep on riting on hear any more thats what i want to no. i ecspect its that logging on bit thats to much bother for a lot of them that could do it if they new how. i ecspect that next time i want to put some stuff on hear i will have forgot the password i put on it this time. thats happened to me twice you no. no wounder nobody nose what to do

a happy new year - BBM

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

well it is me. The same that was born in the Alma and not so far from your gasso meter. Thats the real Brampton. not like some of them that have been on hear up near the top end. Its allways been one of the best places in town what with all the Robo girls and that. In those days we used to do all our corting up there when weed wait for them coming out from work and then follow them about. There was plenty of feilds and that in them days. Tiggy used to come but he never got far. The pigeon muck on his cap and dog muck on his shooes used to put them off and the whippets used to sniff up there back sides - he used to get a clowt for that.
I dont no what sign I can give to JPW. He makes it sound like one of them gohst things that keep coming on the telly were the woman says give me a sign by chucking something on the floor. nothing ever works you never see a thing. Theres more gohsts in Brampton than you see on there.

thats it for now.

Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

There is not vey much going on on hear. JPW has gone and even the man in charge has given it up. It was better wiyh the old Brampton wall - plenty told him that much. you are both aloud to take the boxing g;oves off to type things out you no. or have you taken them off in bed and gone blind. dont worry that posh womans not on hear to tell you off.

BBM

Ron Pompom · Joined: 05 Dec 2007 Posts: 15 Location: Here

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms. It is simply not good enough, and something should be done.

Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

Ey up Ron. I no how you feel. Look at them all now - flowndring round in the snow on Chatsworth Road. This is nothing I've seen more snow on a Christmas cake. i wish theyd been hear in 1947 the snow was half way up the front door of the Alma but it didnt stop us getting in. It was better anyway . the landlord left the air raid blinds up at the front windows and cept them shut so that the police didnt no we were there after closing time. that was half past ten in those days. 1962 was another. they think its cold outside today but its nothing. it was colder in bed with the wife and dog in 1962.

BBM

Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

I dont no whats up with the Brampton Bugle. It was very good at one time but now thers nothing on like the telly. somebody must look at it.the thing ive noticed most is that sins i put down about being in bed with the wife and dog inthe snow then a thingcame up about a flees coat to keep the dog warm - what about the wife. that says to me that somebody is looking at this thing that likes dogs more than women and whats gone off with the Splint man he was on a lot at one time buit npw hees gone. may be its that credit thing thats done all this -ide shoot the banker. Its the only way out of this mess we talked about this in the pub on weddens day if anybody fansis a pint let me no.
Bevan Boy Minder

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

No JPW it is not your imagination, many Japanese WW2 veterans were unaware that the war was over until long after the miners strike ended. My long lost Uncle Motsui was among them and I am seeking the assistance of the very good people of Brampton, Chesterfield in re-uniting him with his WW2 comrades and his family here in Japan.

In 1945 Motsui was the longest serving Kamikaze pilot in the Imperial Navy’s Fleet Air Arm having, at that time, returned unsuccessfully from no fewer than six suicide raids. For his seventh, and what proved to be his last mission, his commander had chosen him to test fly a modified version of the Kawasaki Ki-100 'Type 5’ fighter designed to jettison the landing gear shortly after take off. Five minutes before zero hour Motsui was awarded the Posthumous Medal for service to the Emperor and ordered not to return for his lunch box this time. At 09.00 hours on the morning of 05 May 1945, with the unforgettable sound and smell of the Divine Wind breaking behind him Matsui climbed into the cockpit for the final time.

Thirty minutes into the flight towards the American fleet anchored of the coast of Okinawa Matsui radioed back to base to report that he had made visual contact with the Bermuda Triangle. Bravely, and without waiting for orders, he went down to investigate. There followed a series of frantic, crackling, radio messages from Matsui. First reports of a strange foaming of the surface of the sea, then erratic cockpit instrument readings and loss of sight of the horizon and finally an albatross flying upside down along side his aircraft. At 09.47 hours radio contact with the Kawasaki Ki-100 was lost .. for ever…………

Several weeks later a couple lying in a field near Holymoor Side (it could have been Somersault Park) reported a low flying Peeping Tom in the area. Having been spotted the pilot headed at full speed down Chatsworth Road veering left over the gas works with multiple barrel rolls and flew out of town in the direction of Sheepbridge. Shortly afterwards a rag and bone man from Wheeldon Mill heard a loud explosion close to the dog track and set out to investigate. Here is his own account of the event –

‘At first I thought it was the kids mucking about with unexploded bombs again or somebody out ratting. Then I noticed a big black cloud of smoke coming up from the canal. Luckily I had the horse all harnessed up to the cart so I was able to get over there in no time at all. This plane was tail up in the canal. I knew straight away it was hopeless. Nobody could have survived that. I threw a dog in there on Boxing Day and it had completely dissolved within 20 minutes. I did what I could by loading the wings onto the back of my cart but by the time I got to the cockpit it was to late; the pilot had gone. People don’t have fur like cats and dogs so they probably dissolve faster. I wouldn’t go swimming in there. It’s about time the council did something about it before somebody else crash lands in there. People round here want it filling in. You can’t go out at night. You’re not safe in bed’

Sergeant H_____ of Beetwell Street Police Station was not so sure and suspected that the Peeping Tom had gone into hiding. He questioned the couple from Holymoorside and from the information they gave him he was able to put together an identikit picture of the pilot. The picture was splashed across the front page of the Derbyshire Times. The hunt for someone with a black head and shoulders and with a white question mark where his nose should be was on. Then the couple from Holymoorside pointed out that the man they saw had a yellow face .A new identikit picture was circulated and the hunt for someone with a yellow face and black question mark where his nose should be began. One week later Sergeant H------- received a 78 inch record which he played to the hoards of reporters gathered inside his office. ‘ You are no nearer to catching me now than you were a week ago ---‘ The hunt for a yellow faced flying Peeping Tom with a black question mark where his nose should be and with a Geordie accent was on.

Meanwhile – over at Saltergate football ground – Matsui emerged from a pile of grass clippings, dazed but in one piece. Clutching his machine gun and a box of ammunition he headed for a disused dug out and waited for the enemy troops to arrive. During home matches, mistaking football rattles for the sound of automatic rifle fire, he would peep out from the dug out and return fire. There he remained until 1953, surviving on discarded Pucka Pies and Bovril, when finally he ran out of ammunition during a penalty shoot out. At this point he emerged from his dug out and surrendered to the linesman with the only words of English he knew:-

‘You’re a blasted, you’re a blasted, you’re a blasted lefelee’

He was promptly marched to the manager’s office where he was interrogated with the aid of a menu from the nearby Chinese Restaurant. A club official aggressively punched his finger down onto the number 10 on the menu and shouted loudly at the prisoner. Thinking he was ordering a Chicken Chop Suey with Noodles Matsui smiled and nodded his head. Only later was he to find out that he had signed on as centre forward for Chesterfield.

At the kick off the on following Saturday, when he bent down to tie his laces, the leather flying helmet he was wearing was mistaken for the ball and he was kicked around the pitch for ten minutes. Luckily at that point one of the players complained to the referee that the ball was out of shape. During a close inspection of the ball the Chesterfield manager realised that one of his players had no head. Matsui was rushed to the Royal Hospital where his head was stitched back onto his neck. However, in the rush to save his life the surgeon had stitched his head on back to front. It was considered to risky an operation to turn the head around which effectively put an end to Matsui’s playing career. A benefit match raised enough funds for plastic surgery and by stages his face was grafted onto the back of his head. Eventually he returned to the club as a laundry man which gave him the inspiration to open his own Chinese laundry in Brampton.

But where is Matsui now? What happened to his laundry in Wash House Lane? Can anybody help? What happened to Sergeant H-----? Is JPW really an acronym for Japanese Prisoner of War? Who were the mysterious couple in Somersault Park? Questions that to this day remain unanswered.

Thankyo for your kind information - Nakamito

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

Dear JP O'W

Thank yo for your kind information.

Nakamito

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

Thank yo for your kind information

Ah –Soh. The threads together are drawing together to create a most enlightening tapestry. Divine indeed.

I have discovered, through extensive research into the archives of the Derbyshire Times, that the Barrow Hill pawnbroker happened to have an older brother in Wheeldon Mill who was rag and bone man. Unusually, for brothers, they both had the same name; Moshe. During WW1, Moshe the Mole, as he later became known,
served as a tunneller with the Royal Engineers. In November 1918 Moshe was on the Somme busy tunnelling towards the German lines on the very day that the Armistice was called. In the celebrations that followed Moshe was forgotten and he continued to tunnel his way eastwards. In 1942 he came up behind enemy lines just inside the perimeter fence at Colditz. There he remained incarcerated for the rest of both World Wars before being repatriated to England in 1945. During his absence a second son was born to the family, and believing that Moshe was dead, his grieving father named the younger son Moshe in memory of the missing son Moshe. When Moshe returned from the two world wars this became, dare I say it, a bit meshey, and so from that day on the elder brother became known as Moshe the Mole and the younger Moshe the Pawn.

In 1953, during Sergeant H_____'s investigations into the disappearing low flying peeping tom incident, Moshe, the Mole that is, became a prime suspect. Around about the same time a pair of pink knickers went missing from a clothes line in Whittington.

On 13 July 1953, not long after the Coronation and the Conquest of Everest, this article appeared in the Derbyshire Times :-

‘Today, (tues), Sergeant H______ of Beetwell Street Police Station, held a press conference outside the back door of the Spread Eagle where a huge crowd of press men and television reporters had gathered. Among them was David Dimbleby of Coronation commentary fame a who was interviewing Sergeant H_____ for the BBC’s Panorama programme to be screened today (fri). An unruly crowd of onlookers gathered behind the police spokesman and began and pulling faces at the TV camera. Sergeant H _____ appealed for calm and sort to reassure the public that the situation was completely under control and that a battalion of riot police were at that very moment stationed in the pubic bar in case they were needed. Then suddenly, in a brazen challenge to police authority, a person with a pink pair of knickers on his or her head appeared directly behind the police spokesman and gestured rudely towards the TV camera.

The intruder was chased by riot police and disappeared into the underground lavatories beneath the Market Hall. There was a stand off for 90 minutes before tear gas canisters were dropped through a window at pavement level. Several men emerged from the underground labyrinth without trousers and were charged with various offences but the person with the pink knickers is believed to have escaped. A police spokesman later said ‘He probably escaped taking by taking advantage of the smoke screen, removing the knickers from his head and keeping his trousers on. This leads us to believe the person we are looking for has military training. We are keeping an open mind but we know exactly who we he is.’

A solicitor acting on behalf of Moshe the Mole made the following statement on his behalf:-

‘There have been rumours circulating that my client is in someway involved in the theft of aircraft wings and a pair of pink knickers. Firstly let me deal with the aircraft wings. As is well established Chesterfield Canal is connected to the North Sea via Staveley Works and therefore comes under the jurisdiction the Bridlington Harbourmaster and International Maritime Law. The aircraft wings were legitimately recovered by my client as maritime salvage from the Chesterfield Canal and further to this the Bridlington Harbourmaster as issued an export licence for the wings to my client. Secondly my client denies any involvement in the alleged theft of pink knickers from a clothes line in Whittington. The pink knickers, that he may or may not have in his possession, were in any event, if they do exist which is denied, legitimately recovered as salvage from the canal and accordingly the harbourmaster has issued a second export licence for the same. Finally my client does not hold a Kamikaze pilot’s licence and denies any involvement, other than the aforementioned, in the so called low flying Peeping Tom incident.

My client has now left the country for the USA where I understand he has some business to deal with in Oakland.’

This raises the question was it Moshe the Mole or, as previously believed, Moshe the Pawn who caused the devastation in Oakland. And where does leave Motsui?

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

Who won the war. Thats a thing we talk about a lot in the Alma. the thing we all agrea is that its not us other wise weed still have the empire like we did whenwe was little. The kids used to sing things like land and hope and gory at scool and then one day they called them all in and told them that kind of stuff was all done with. at least we carried on making stuff for a bit and in them days nobody wood buy anything from woolys if it said made in honk kong on it. Now everything you pick up is made in honk kong or some wear worst than that and they still keep on buying it. thats whats up. yoov only got to look at the top of this page to see no sooner does somebody mention Japan than thears a load of adverts for Japanese things i ecs0pect that now Ive put down honk kong there will be adverts for more stuff from there but put down the Alma and you wont see nothing about the lite brigade. its gone to the dogs.

Arnold Tulip · Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Posts: 17 Location: Brampton (west)

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

You never see Preston south end. theres a Chesterfield south beach but never mind what the man from bridlington says the tide never comes in this far. Yet.

I hope this helps

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

So as not to lose the compass thread I beg to submit the East Enders.

Ah - So a serious mood overshadows the Brampton Bugle. The Famous Orb thinks Britain and America won the war. Maybe so in military terms but who took the spoils, Britain? I think not, and yet that is where real victory lies.

Stupidity led you into the First World War. You lost the cream of the nation on the Somme. (With the exception of Moshe the Mole of course). Out of the carnage rose American industrial might and Nationalism in Europe. You then found yourselves fighting to stamp out the evil you had inadvertently helped to create. Again you celebrated a glorious military victory, but at what economic cost? British towns and cities were in ruins and the nation deeply found itself deeply in debt to America. Britain stumbled on into the latter half of the 20th century with a nostalgic sense of military Glory but no real Hope of sustaining its former economic greatness. As BBM has pointed out the Empire was lost. Then, what factories the German bombers had left standing Thatcher & Scargill, with a little help from their friends, tore to pieces.

You were kidded into believing that high rise glass fronted banks and financial institutions were a better and sustainable alternative to the dark depressing mills of Victorian England. The export of Rolling Stone music became a convenient, and cleaner, substitute for textiles, motor cars & heavy engineering. Those good old rock & roll boys and city slickers came to the rescue. Brunell & Arkwright turn in their graves.

It’s not over yet.

You Won the War. Ah – So.

(If this is not depressing enough try tuning in to East Enders omnibus edition.)

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

We watch east enders.

Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

That is depressing

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

And annoying.

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

Well we like it. anyway ime going to muck the pigeons out while its nice.

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

Hello JPW I didnt no you was a dog man. your lucky with the wife.Ive got rid of mine some time back when they made you go round with a plastic bag and rubber glovs in you pocket. Chatsworth roads a lot better for it mind - it was a night mare for those with electric chairs driving round that lot - Pimmy was always moning. the bloke next door still keeps them but there not good runners. 100-1 on the nationa the buckys be happy toimght.

Terrygold · Joined: 10 Mar 2009 Posts: 6

Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

Fank yo all for your kind information.

I fink frowing somefink at the old ducks in the old pond would be free times better than gettin the old trouble and strife to baff the old dog on fursday night.

This kind of language is not only silly, depressing and annoying it has also on occasions caused deep offence to foreign dignitaries. This was the case recently when the Mayor of London, Freddy Thucket, wrote to the French attaché to the East End, Dentura Latife.

The letter began-

Dear Mr La Teeth,

To keep our relationship less formal may I suggest that in future I address you by your first name, Denture.

To which the attache replied -

Dear Freddy,

You can Thucket as far as I’m concerned

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

Thank yo for your kind information.

You see its not the real East End or the AGD people that are depressing, silly and annoying; its the programme. For viewers in Japan the finks and forts are eliminated during the dubbing process, but regretably not so Phil Fingy or Dottydot@dotfartarse.com. or the rest of those ham actors in the old Old Vic. By the way Albert Square drops dead next week so that will be one less.

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Nakamito · Joined: 13 Mar 2009 Posts: 9 Location: Blampton, Japan

This is straight from an e bay listing:-

PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU ASK A QUESTION AND REQUIRE AN ANSWER I WILL NEED A SECOND QUESTION TO BE ABLE TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER AS I CAN ONLY RESPOND TO A QUESTION ONCE AND TO GIVE YOU THE ANSWER I WILL PROBABLY NEED A SECOND QUESTION TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER. PLEASE DO NOT THINK I AM IGNORING YOU. HAPPY BIDDING AND GOOD LUCK.

What they meant to say was:- Let me tell you a question and you can ask me the answer?

The Famous Orb · Joined: 28 Jun 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Scarrot B

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Compo · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 1 Location: Newbold

I too have had a load of paper shoved through my front door and the only one my pet pooch didn’t chew just happened to be the Liberal one (bright dog that one) I wonder if he’s any good at catching rats? I understand the going rate per rat is £50 a tail. The old codgers dog walking group on the old Walton pond tell me there is a new gunslinger in the area but he ain’t much good, there are a number of three legged rats around Brampton, I recon he must spend too much time in the saloon with Sir Harold Splint trying to get him back on the old campaign trail, I bet they would look good together shouting from the back of JPW’s new German battle wagon.

JPW · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 79 Location: Walgrove area

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Bevan Boy Minder · Joined: 09 Jan 2009 Posts: 24

Well our Darrens not voting for nobody. he came home and ripped the papers clean in half. thats becorse they stopped his job seaker money down at the dole. hees never going to vote again

I wish i could catch them in London down the rat hole there and let the dogs nip them at the back of the hed. Arthiur Scargil was right and Eanoc Powel if there on the paper therl get my vote